Have you ever wondered..

whether on some part of God's green earth,

someone is crying, someone is laughing, someone is combing his hair, someone's just finished a football game, someone's just finished reading a book, someone is sleeping, someone is being nagged at, someone is awakening, someone is having an operation, someone is dying, someone is just being born, someone is on the phone, someone is in the shower, someone is praying, someone is playing a computer game, someone is buying a flower, someone is receivng a gift, someone is shitting, someone is arguing with someone else, someone is studying, someone is having the time of his life, someone is on guard duty, someone is enlisting for the army, someone is falling down, someone is sneezing, someone is having backache, someone is having the runs, someone is styling his hair, someone is having his hair cut, someone is daydreaming, someone is swimming, someone is competing in some competition, someone is gambling, someone is receiving his salary, someone has just dropped his wallet, someone is trying to impress someone else, someone is cutting his fingernails, someone is having a manicure/pedicure, someone is driving, someone is having a facial, someone is boarding a bus, someone is taking off in an aeroplane, someone is drinking cola, someone is sipping margheritas, someone is wearing his clothes, someone is scolding somebody, someone is jumping off a cliff, someone is white water rafting, someone is skiing, someone is getting married, someone is taking a ride in an ambulance, someone is riding in a fire engine, someone is trapped in a lift, someone is drowning, someone is honking at someone on the road, someone is scoring a goal, someone is irate at their star player for missing a sitter, someone is slanging in a fake accent, someone is rioting, someone is joining a gang, someone is being arrested, someone is being hung, someone is trafficking drugs, someone is engaging a gear as a learner driver, someone is reminisicing about the good ol' times, someone is regretful over the missed opportunity to tell someone "I love you", someone who's eating yusheng, someone who is buying a necklace or a watch or some expensive item with his $500 monthly salary, someone who doesn't appreciate a person for who he really is, someone is barking instructions to his subordinates, someone is sleeping on the job, someone is making an ornament, someone is writing calligraphy, someone is painting a portrait, someone is chilling out, someone is loving someone else, someone is bingeing, someone is being run down by a car, someone is having a holiday, someone is sweeping the floors of the Old Trafford dressing room, someone is missing his loved ones, someone is preparing to go overseas, someone is booking out of camp, someone is tired, someone is pissing, someone just went bankrupt, someone is looking for love, someone is digging his nose, someone is sticking his nose into other people's business, someone is starting his own business, someone is reading this post, someone is so bo liao as me as to type all of this, and many more someones doing other things..

.. all at the same time?

have you? Someone? Anyone?

so many things to say, so little time.

I cried in my sleep. that night. don't know why, but i did. and when i woke up, it seemed like nothing happened until later that afternoon at work, when i remembered that i cried in my sleep. crazy, but true.
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I was at Jurong Point that day for lunch and to buy joachim's birthday present.. then i decided to go to popular to look for 2 books: Memoirs of a Geisha & Rouge State. While the staff was looking for the latter as i stood by the counter, I overheard this exchange between a mother and her daughter, whom I'm sure looks like Charlie Brown's wife though i don't know her name. Or was it his sister??

Mother (as they were paying for their items): Eh? Where's your other book that you wanted?
Charlie Brown's wife: hmm.. don't want lah, this one enough already.
Mother (dressed in working clothes): Never mind, Mummy buy for you.
Terence: *heart melts*

Hah. heart melt. whatever. anyway, i had 2 reactions.

what a sensible young girl.

what a motherly mother, whom i assume, is buying the extra book to make up for time not spent with her daughter cos' of work. i assume, i stress. but anyhow a motherly mother.

didn't find rogue state though.. and i found out that borders were out of stock for that one as well.

i'm just about done with Nabokov's Lolita.. taking an obscene amount of time to finish reading about young Dolores Haze. I was reaching the end of the book as i was on the way to work in my dad's car and just as we reached the office, which meant i had to go, i was about to read the part where we would find out who impregnated young Dolores. It was like those Channel 8 drama serials where the show would conclude just as the "climax" was approaching. It certaintly felt that way then.

I must confess I was never much of a reader. The people know me well enough that I baulk at the thought of reading one of those oscar wilde or some thick book with small prints. Absolutely puts me off. Then again, I enjoy the football biographies, and recently have taken to other books like Tuesdays with Morrie & Lolita..
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I was thinking that day on my way to work.. I'm a white horse. haha. army term nonetheless. My dad's the CO of the company and I get "special" treatment cos' i'm the Commanding Officer's son. Of course I don't take advantage of that lah. Never crossed my mind to anyway.
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I've been wanting to say this for a long time but due to my suffering from the seemingly incurable illness called procrastina, I've not been able to sit down and blog.

I recognise that I live and lead a much privileged and blessed life as compared to many. I don't mean in comparison with the young princes and princesses of this world or those children whose family name happen to be Gates, Presley, Beckham or Cruise. So many in relation to my peers. I mean there are those whose family are more well off and stuff like that, but I think my life has been pretty smooth sailing thus far, save for the occasional hiccup here and there. Now, I'm not looking to step on anyone's toes here.. so don't misunderstand.

I enjoy a lot of luxuries. Clothes, a nice home, good food, etc so much so that it shames me at times when i think that the money i just invested in a pair of jeans or football boots could have actually made a lot of difference to another individual or family. Having felt that way, selfish me has decided to carry on with such luxuries as much as my pay or my family allows it. shameless. but i hope one can understand that it can be hard to try and live a life more prudent than the one i have right now.

Nevertheless, death is a great equaliser. Whether you're a Beckham or Cruise or simply a Lee or a Ng just like me, you don't bring your riches or poverty with you. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Some believe in reincarnation and stuff like that, i don't . I believe in life, eternal.

Dispute? save it.

Spend the time rethinking your beliefs.
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church camp's up this year.. along with youth camp and the children's camp.. don't know about serving in the last one but should be available lah.. if all goes well. All is defined by me getting into SMU Business this August and I resign (haha) from my dad's end May to watch the World Cup.. Jia lat.

I enjoy youth and church camps a lot. it's the feeling of staying together and waking up spending the entire day with your peers, without a care in the world, locked up somewhere on Sentosa or in Malaysia for a retreat with your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Of course with Him as well.

Perhaps that's why many Westerners move out as such a young age to move in with their friends. But they have a different agenda to mine of course.
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I can't wait for the designs to be coloured for my new room. It's nerve-wrecking waiting for the designers to get back. I can't wait to see the room. But that's it i think. Don't know if i'm ready to move out of my current room of 20 years.
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watched jack neo's "i not stupid too" last night with the family. scoffed at the thought that people would cry (not because Jack was a lousy producer or scriptwriter) at certain scenes in the movie, but was proven wrong anyway. Jack again showed what he is good at: tugging at our heartstrings. He didn't make this film for Hollywood, though if they wanted it I don't think he would mind, he made it for the locals. Your uncles and aunties in the street. Your ah bengs and ah lians under the void deck. Your teenagers struggling with academics as well as their parents. Your parents who are frustrated with their kid's antics that they have to put up with.

There were a few scenes where the parents were disappointed with their on-screen children for something they did wrong. At that moment, I was thinking about how i must have grieved my Father in heaven whenever i choose to sin, despite knowing that what i was about to do was wrong.

overall, i thought that it was a nice show. obviously imcomparable to the blockbusters that Hollywood regularly churns out, but still a good movie given the lack of resources available to Jack and his team. To those critics and mud-hurlers of the local film industry, or anything local for that matter, where's your nationalistic pride? No i'm not exactly a patriot. I don't think I would die for my country, but I would cheer my footballing Lions or appreciate the effort put in by people like Jack and Eric Khoo. If you don't like that film, or that particular sport or that particular song that Jack, Noh Alam Shah or Taufik are doing, at least respect them for what they have aspired to be. Peace.
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All the heavens shout your praise,
Beautiful is our God,
The universe will sing
Hallelujah to You our King!

Thank God it's Friday (when tomorrow comes..)

Hah.

End of fourth day of the week.

that cool, or what?

anyway,

let's talk about my last 2 days at work. Rather, I talk (no.. type), you listen (ah.. read, i mean). I woke up Wednesday morning feeling sprightly and all ready for work. Surprise surprise, huh? Maybe it's cos' of the clothes I was wearing that morning (I still remember Weisong, my campmate, telling me that one of the ways to counter feeling down is to doll yourself up. okay, not doll up but at least make yourself look good.) Or maybe it's cos' I met the requisite hours of sleep the night before, to be ready for work the next day (7 as recommended by Our Army to be exact). Poof. our army. whatever. Maybe it's cos' that was a Man United match to look forward to in the wee hours of Thursday morning.

Simply, maybe God has helped me to cope and settle in after all.

So I enjoyed the tuesday off to go to my new place to jagar the workers doing some fittings and was expecting to work the full Wednesday-Friday, when my dad told me to leave, with him, at 4.30pm to go off to the new place! Boy, was i silently pleased.

Went for a run (my first in like 3 weeks) when i reached home before heading to Tuck Seng's place for the Christmas Committee debrief. The G-mother was feeling some pain in her leg and wanted to go to the doc's for a jab but they were closed..

The United match went on fine. I watched the first half and with no Nemanja Vidic playing, I allowed myself to doze off with the TV on. Mum came in at 7 to tell me that my dad would leave me the car to drive my G-mother to the doc for a jab at nine-thirity. Woo! Sleep in. Haha.

Reached work at ten-ish. Then got changed for work (manual). I always look forward to driving out for lunch using the company's car (cos' it's easier to drive) with one of the workers, Ali (whose real name is actually Biran). Work was great today. There was a bit of friendly banter and good-natured ribbing between some of the workers and me. Basically 3 of them whom I work regularly with all asked the same question at different times: Ni shi bu shi ji nian hou ba shen yi jie shou? (Will you be taking over the business in a few year's time)

I left at four again today!! With my dad to go to the florist at Thomson (to collect the exercise book that my mother left many weeks ago), to Ubi to collect some work-related equipment and to Geylang to buy bulbs for my current room (but we didn't know the voltage so we couldn't buy any). We headed to the new place to meet the engineer for some discussion on future works for the place and then I'm home! The interior designers are here tonight and also DIANA will be here.

I'm just awaiting tomorrow cos' then it's Friday and then the weekend..

A thought came to mind though: How and when am I going to go through a proper 5-day week?

But then I'm comforted by the fact that in His time, God will provide rest periods for me. just like this week.

I'm thinking of buying some pants for the new year.. those chequered ones. But I'm not sure what to match them with.. top and bottom.

it's getting late. where's diana?

P.S. I got my bonus from the company. I never expected one as I only begun work this month. So thank God for that.

fears and tears.

Work has been okay for the past 2 weeks. For the record, I'm now an employee at my dad's company. Learning the ropes right from the bottom, working with those on the ground and maybe warming the boss' seat one day. Hehheh. To be here (not that it took a monumentous effort), for one, I have had to give up my ambition of working in the mass communication industry as a sports writer, amongst other dream vocations like copywriting, acting & filming. Give up leather shoes for my safety boots. Give up my power suits for my manual-labour clothes. Give up my media industry for media used to wash metal parts..

Anyway, back to where I was.. or am..

Going into my 3rd week at Additech, I couldn't help feeling that sense of dread, which included chest pains, a heavy heart, a long face & a pair of sunken shoulders, that I felt in my first 2 weeks at the office. Then, I got by with reading up on the business over the web, preparing forms to document the processes involved, visiting the Malaysia factory and even leaving at 2pm to line up and buy bak-kwa at visit-only-once-a-year Lim Chee Guan's as a gift for our customers. I believe the devil is trying to lull me into a state of mind that I don't like the manual work behind. On the contrary, I actually prefer working behind then staying in the office (unless it's using the Net :P) and getting paper cuts.

I had New Year's Day& Hari Raya Haji to break the monotony and bore of a straight 5-day work week the past fortnight. This week? I'm looking at 5-days of workworkwork. Actually 4 now that Monday's work is over. Hoo-ray! I had also been looking forward to the weekends as well and this week, I'll just take it slow and look foward to each night or evening after work and let the next day' work worry about itself. Thank the Lord for being able to think and feel like that.

I think me dreading going to work is mainly down to me not being able to fulfill my job scope. Or KPI as they call it in the army. Supposed to learn the processes behind, but am unable to totally put them into practice for fear of spoiling the parts and incurring unnecessary costs and also because some workers there are afraid of asking me to do work because I am towkay-kia. mai siao siao.

So, given my bleak outlook of work, it is no wonder I had that dreaded feeling the last few hours of Sunday (yesterday) night. I still remember it. It was not quite full-blown that feeling, but it was there. Didn't want to sleep; didn't want to wake up for work. This is not like kiddish stuff i tell you. This is serious. I was hoping to fall sick, hoping the knee injury (an old injury) that I picked up at football yesterday morning would "force" me to stay at home. I just miss waking up late and still being able to lie in bed not having to wake up to go anywhere.

But then, God in His mercy gave me a thought. Do I want to go to work as I am already doing, or fly to America to study like Jeremy, or do I want to enlist in the Army all over again like Andrew, Xi Wern, Titus, Melvin, Amos and Aaron? Without a shadow of a doubt, I want to go to work at Additech. Period. End of feeling down.

One thing I regret though. Whenever I had these down emotions or unsure moments, I didn't always turn to God. Just like my university applications. I view me being able to get into a local uni to study business as a sign that it's God's plan for me for the future. But that's another story altogether.

After the familiarity of the office setting and whatever negative feelings I had of it came rushing back to me as I walked in to office this morning, I looked to God to ease my minor depression and prepared myself for QT at my dad's table (i have none to call my own, fyi). I flipped open to 15 January in the RPG devotion booklet and immediately confessed not doing devotions yesterday, the Lord's day. And also Saturday, if we are into really being specific. I guess I'm one of those who turn to God only when I need Him. that's bad. Then me eyes glossed over to the facing page and immediately caught sight of the heading for the day's devotions: The Trial in Gethsemane. !!?!? What? then I looked back at Sunday's heading and it read: The temptation of Jesus.

Okay, what I experienced at that moment can potentially be lost on you all because my immediate reactions were 2-fold. First, I felt God had answered my prayer by timing today's devotion: The Trial in Gethsemane. I don't know if what I was experiencing is a trial but i certaintly felt that way and was excited to see what God had in store for me as I encountered "The Trial inAdditech".

Secondly, I felt God was rebuking me for not doing my QT yesterday because I would have been primed to share at youth sunday school if I had done my QT on "The Temptation of Jesus" as they were doing a study on James, which touched on the topic of.. you got it.

Trials and temptations.

What an amazing 2 days it has been. Just one thing though, because i didn't do QT and thus would have been able to share, I felt that I missed the boat. Missed the opportunity to share.

More on today's devotions though. It was taken from Luke 22:34-46:.

39Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. 40On reaching the place, he said to them, "Pray that you will not fall into temptation." 41He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, 42"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." 43An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. 44And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.

45When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. 46"Why are you sleeping?" he asked them. "Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation."

AND Hebrews 5:7-9:

7During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. 8Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered 9and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him 10and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek.

11We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. 12In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! 13Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

My reaction to the first passage? I am exactly like the disciples. To the second one? That I must follow the example of Jesus who offered prayers to the only One who can save me from my troubles.

BUT what i felt spoke more to me were the verses that followed. In short, I should look for solid spiritual food, not milk. I felt that God once again showed His perfect timing as one of the main reasons why I left the youth ministry 2 years back was because of my lack of knowledge of the Word and to improve my foundations in the Word, but 2 years on, I'm still feeding on spiritual milk.

And here He is rebuking me, telling me that "by this time [I] ought to be a teacher, [yet I] need someone to teach [me] the elementary truths of God's word all over again."

Whoever said that the Word was not alive?

I must confess though that doing QT there was not without care. I didn't know how my father would react to me doing QT at work, though technically work starts only at 8.30 am and also I was not sure about letting the workers see me read the Bible. Argh! I regretted that feeling as it just plainly showed my ashamedness of the Word and my faith. Me of little faith. Wasn't faith what we were studying last Friday in cell group? And here I was not able to exercise it.

I shared at cell as well, about my work and also about the poor condition of the toilet at the factory. Later on in the book that we were studying, The Walk, God challenged me to exercise servanthood and faith: Could you serve God by scrubbing toilets if that's what He wanted you to do?

terence: ?!?!? got so zun or not?

Anyway, I stepped into the toilet sometime this morning and to my pleasant surprise and later regret, the toilet was sparkling clean. Okay not really, but definitely sparkling as compared to before it was washed. And you know what? I DID think about going down on Saturday (i work five days) to exercise servanthood (towkay-kia) and faith to wash that toilet! But i did a NATO. No Action, Talk Only. So, I missed that boat as well.

I mean what's my suffering compared to Jesus'?

After my QT reading what Jesus went through, I felt I was without reason to feel down. So I courageously albeit forcedly (if there's such a word) got changed to my can-be-dirtied clothes and went down to the ground.

You know as I write all these, I fear. I fear that I will be persecuted and stereotyped by my non-Christian friends, neighbours & relatives that I'm some freak blinded by Christianity, etc. Fact is, i'm not. And I want all of you, my non-believing loved ones to know that I'm praying for you (whenever i remember) and that you should really give Jesus a chance before you shut him out totally. I'm not perfect. That's for sure. That's why I need to rely on Him.

So what say you, my non-believing "brother" from another mother?

Overall, I think I'm resistant to Change. I hate Change. Not when I'm not the one to initiate it. Not when I'm not prepared for it. I want to be in control of the situations I'm in. Ever since polytechnic and army have I been feeling down whenever i'm placed in a new environment. Worrying about what people think of me, whether I did something to piss people off.. Perhaps God is allowing me to go through such trials, as that of Additech, to rely on His strength and not my own & to put my confidence in Him and not on worldly desires or gains.

I suppose we all have our weaknesses and strengths. Nevertheless, I'm glad that God in His mercy, allowed me to change one thing: my destination after my physical death. I'm headed to Heaven because of what Jesus did for all of us sinners on the cross.

Are you afraid of Change as well? Or are you more afraid of where you're headed after death?

Take time to ponder my last question, dear reader. Not too long, though. Dare to change.

Cheers. Have a nice day.

P.S. Am I able to post my honest feelings and thoughts now that I have a role to play as a youth leader?? Even if they are angry thoughts at times?

P.P.S. God showed that He is faithful: I needn't really go to work tomorrow cos' my boss, my father, told me to go to the new house to oversee some construction work and if it's past noon i don't have to go back!! Whoopee!!

P.P.P.S. I think I have been blogging since 9.30pm.

high wind. big thunder. no rain.

.. that happens when God's Word or Jesus are sidelined when people preach.

I'm not preaching today. Don't know if i ever would in my life. But my entry today definitely will NOT sideline God or His Word.

I had my first meeting with my new youth group yesterday in church after a year's hiatus from the youth ministry. Or any other ministry for that matter. I have been praying, making sure that this was what God wanted me to do ever since Uncle Kian Peng called me about joining the group 2 Saturdays ago. Talking with selected individuals, I came to the conclusion: why NO?

I mean I've been looking to serve in a ministry in this new year since the last, and have been praying (not so frequently, i must admit) for God to open doors for me. I ushered in 2006 without any idea of a ministry that I could serve in till Uncle KP buzzed. Perfect opportunity. My decision was also made easier knowing that the group was waiting to welcome me with their collective open arms and also having played LOTS of captain's ball during the last Decemer holidays.

I am determined to improve in areas where I had previously failed the last time out in this similar role. I would like to be involved in the lives of these 5 youths, meeting up with them, praying for them, calling them & being a listening ear to their problems. I hope they'll continue to be open and share with me issues that make or break them.

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." - 2 Timothy 3:16-17

So, pray with me as I seek to be the vessel which God will use to teach, rebuke, correct and train in righteousness these youths, that they may be equipped for the work He has laid out for them.

I have been doing my quiet time more regularly these days on the way to work or at work. Just that day, something in my quiet time caused me to realise how real Jesus Christ is and how major a part He played in history, despite our tendencies to overlook or gloss over the fact that He once walked on this earth just because it happened so long ago. Approximately 2006 years to be more exact.

Where exactly is Jesus in your life today, dear reader?