knowing my role..

it's fast approaching year-end once more and the inevitable, inescapable talk talk talk about what the new year is going to bring for us beckons..

i'm honestly unsure. i mean, apart from commencing my LAST semester in university, the other areas of me life remain a blur. maybe it's 'cause my walk with God has suffered in recent weeks that i feel this way.. maybe it's 'cause i've just been a bum at home the past few weeks, after exams!! :P

.. but really though, this year, and more so in recent months, it seems quite apparent that certain areas of my life are not ready for a 'Terence Ng'; on that same note, i guess it can also be said that Terence Ng isn't exactly ready for some of these areas as well!

The Rock (no, not Jesus) use to say with much aplomb,
'Know your role, and shut your mouth!'

Maybe i should be doing just that. Hmpf.

faux you.

on pretense.
why do humans suffer from it?

lack of confidence? social acceptance? desire for attention?
nope, can't put a finger on it.

what i do know, is that it utterly stinks. it's putting off i tell you. see it all around. ugh, yuck, puke.

sometimes we should just tell it as it is, lah. but then again, not everyone is ready for such candor nor to face reality. i guess that's what drove away me bruddas.

so where do we draw the freaking line?

on gratitude.
why do humans ignore it?

devoid of emotion? socially undesirable? a god-given right?
nope, can't put a finger on it.

what i do know, is that it utterly stinks. it's putting off i tell you. see it all around. ugh, yuck, puke.

sometimes it's just difficult to tell those closest to you these things. then again, if it were so difficult, were we even close in the first place?

or was it all a pretense..
_____

sometimes, i wish such thoughts didn't plague me mind. sometimes, i wish i wasn't so much a thinker. sometimes, i thnk i'd be better off being oblivious to things.

perhaps, Dickens' my Great Expectations are just what they really are.. too great, too overwhelming..

i honestly don't know. But hopefully by the time i've come to terms with it, this song would not have become a reality.

I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye - Goodbye!
I'm glad to go, I cannot tell a lie
I flit, I float, I fleetly flee, I fly
The sun has gone to bed and so must I

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye