nothing to lose.

been thinking about what someone once told me long time ago. i used to think that it didn't make sense, that it was a result of one drawing away from God. more so recently though, that person's words are starting to hold some truth, making some sense.

perhaps it's really better to slack off.
perhaps it's really easier on the heart if i didn't bother that much.
perhaps being a nominal youth leader would mean lesser problems.
perhaps life will really be more carefree without those concerns.
perhaps life will really be plagued with lesser worries if i didn't serve.
perhaps not investing so much time in people would protect myself.

then,
perhaps people will truly appreciate your work.
perhaps people will really know the difference that you make.
perhaps people will show concern for you because they really care for you and not because of some of other reason.
perhaps not investing so much time in people would protect myself.
perhaps it'll be cool to just come to church at 3.20pm, sit in, worship, listen to sermon, go home.
--
i just like to say that in life, things aren't exactly what they seem to be. in fact, things are never what they seem to be. and before anyone thinks that i'm being an eternal sceptic, i'm not.

it's true.

just stating what i know for some time now of others & myself. things are never what they seem they are - with others and with me.

we're all pawns in each other's battles.
we make others pawns in our own battles, where we ourselves reign as king.

a vicious cycle.
who prevails?
who will declare 'checkmate' 1st?
whose 'checkmate' will matter most?

time will tell. for now though, i can tell.