here i am....again...

Venging my tortured soul and feelings on this blogsite that i consider my latest craze...

I'm a Christian.

Not that being one is something disastrous. it's just that the expectations and convictions that come with it are kind of starting to weigh me down...

Quiet time...
I haven't been too disciplined in my quiet time. It's often a short read of 1 chapter of 1 book in the Bible...for the moment.. i'm reading 2 Corinthians...'

But quiet time is more than just a short-read.. right? it's supposed to be an engaging time with God, where you experience Him, and let Him speak to you through his Word. It hasn't been like that for me for as long as i can remember...

Testimonies...
I flared up once again... earlier...at my colleague... all because i wasn't best pleased with him leaving his stuff all over my workspace...so i said some mean things... which i regret because they know i'm a Christian. I guess i'm not at a spiritual high.. actually.. i haven't been for a while...

but i know that it was also right of me to offer an apology to him. and so i did... i also apologised to the other guy who was around.. because i was a bad testimony for Christ...."Church freak?" some might offer... but *sigh* you can't please all right?

I've been feeling down recently... Not that it's something new... it's been with me since year 1 in polytechnic.. and with it comes that bit of low self-esteem.. Awww.. says my duty mate.. reading this as i type..

I'm newly posted here at SAFWOS (well about 2 months already)...anyway...so when you're new..you tend to not want to offend people...I have heard and seen for myself the invisible divide between the NSFs...herein lies my dilemma... "which group to go to?" my duty mate offers.... To be very honest... i really am fine with both groups.... "so politically correct"....*sigh*...but it's true...i really AM fine.. i tell you..

i don't see a need for everything to be strained and fake...and even as i post this for all to read.. i'm probably risking my status with either group... but anyway.. this is a blog site for my thoughts and feelings, right?

if you're reading this and belong to either group... you may already have formed the impression that i'm just being politically correct... but i reiterate... I'm really just fine being any of you....

Ministries...
I'm beginning to feel weary of ministries in church. I say "burn out", but like what the lady at a mission conference i went to said, "If you feel 'burnt out', it's actually your own fault.."